I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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