So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
