I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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