And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
