So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
