So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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