Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
