do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
