so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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