The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
