Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
