How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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