YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
