For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
