How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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