my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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