hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
