Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
