This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you traded sex for a burrito?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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