i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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