Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
