I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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