She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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