wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
