whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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