I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My penis needs a shock collar
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
