I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
