I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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