how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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