How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
