you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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