She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
