I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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