You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
