when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
