to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
