So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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