I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
i think my cat just said my name.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
