umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
