i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We have started to decorate penises.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
