You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
