Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
