i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
