the condom got lost in my hair
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
