I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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