party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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