She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize