i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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