I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize