HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
