The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Did I show you my penis last night?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
