I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I don't deserve a penis
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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