Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
