I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i dont even know how to be here
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
