so that wasnt chicken after all
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
