this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
