I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I AM VODKA MAN
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
