Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize