I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
